Lonely is as Lonely Does

My soul waits silently for God alone.  For my expectation is from Him. Psalm 62:5

Loneliness is a required course for leadership.  Elizabeth Elliott

As I walked home from my bus stop tonight, a number of catalysts led me to begin thinking about loneliness - specifically our human response to this dreaded feeling.  I began to reflect on the lives around me and the level of loneliness each person must have experienced throughout their life.  I began to think of it in terms of how many times each person had truly been alone.  When I say alone, I don't mean the physical state necessarily, but the emotional, social, and relational state of being alone.  To be without a human friend with whom you can truly share your heart - that is what I perceive "alone" to be.  Notice I say "human friend" intentionally.  To be without a supernatural friend - that is without a relationship with God is a loneliness I (praise God!) can no longer experience or fully comprehend.

Not for the first time, but perhaps in one of the fullest ways, I am thankful for the seasons in which I have been alone.  There have been many of these times in my life when I have found myself without friend to turn to, heart to share with, or thought provoking mind to be challenged by.  I have been alone.

As an extrovert, this has been a fascinating journey.  I am hardly ever physically alone.  I find my energy, my pleasure, and my stick-to-it-ive-ness at all-time highs when I am with people.  I love to engage and be engaged, to laugh, to listen.  As a person who sees all things in this world (and beyond this world) through relationship, however, I find myself in constant longing for deeper thoughts and finer stock.  I relish in heart-to-hearts and in the moments when I feel I can say little or lots and be truly heard.  These moments may be few in life - and we do well to revel in their beauty.  Rather, we do well to marvel at the Creator who designed us to revel in such beauty.  He, after all, is who we were created to admire.

In looking back on the times when I have found myself alone and observing those who find themselves similarly situated, I conceive that we strongly, although perhaps not visibly respond to loneliness in one of three ways. (Note - this is not a linear process.  A person may experience any combination of these at any given point of the season.)

1) Rebellion
2) Maturation
3) Depression

As I interact with individuals as they are alone - I observe them choosing one of these three paths and I often ache with them in their time of confusion and hurt.  Why am I alone? is the question asked by those who chose any of the three responses.  The theory I have developed comes from walking alongside and watching many of the lonely, and many of my own solitary car rides home.  Many times have I begged God for true friends.  I see the magnificence and the depth of the maturity that comes from one who walks through those dark days and continues to return to the well of God's faithfulness and love.  I have felt the destruction of rebellion and cried the bitter tears of its regret.  I have trudged through the dark murky waters of depression and wondered if there ever was a way out - knowing there must be, as there is a God who created me, He is able to heal me.

As I walk with individuals who have never been alone, I cherish the alone times.  Not because I desire to return to them, but because I rejoice in the way it has shaped my heart and bound me forever to my Savior King.  He held my hand when no one else did.   I see the shallow, fickle, and impatient fruit of always having faithful friends and family.

Yes indeed, faithful friends are a gift from God.  So too is aloneness, I think.  Because of that darkness, the light shines so much brighter.  Because of that bitterness, the sweet is so much sweeter.  Because of this time - I will relish all the more the moments when my truest friends stand by my side.

I pray that some day you're alone too - and that you choose to cling to Jesus' side.  You will never be the same in the best of ways.