Struggle

I blog to you today - snowed in and happily so! Since Tuesday of this week, Oklahoma has experienced what has become known as "Snowmaggedon." I have spent it curled up indoors with friends, playing games, drinking coffee, reading, and watching movies. Snow days in college are the BEST. Forget cabin fever, there's always adventure to be had. Although the reading and cleaning I intended to do over these days hasn't gotten done, the fun I've had has been quite worth it. Having successfully made both chili and French toast for the first time ever (separately, of course), I have much more faith in my capabilities to cook for myself for 6 months while in London.

Ahhhh, London. Yes, I said the magical word. The Father is doing so many thing in my heart to prepare me to live there. A lot of this process has been extremely humbling and gut wrenching. Monsters from my past reappear and I must rest in the confidence that God has ordered my steps, and is using these difficult days for His glory. I am everything that is unsure of my own capabilities. I can't really see where He is taking me, or even the very step in front of my feet right now. All the more, He is sovereign. He has a zeal and a passion for His glory.

I come to tears when I even begin to try to fathom it.

Before "Snowmageddon" commenced, my darling friend Chaurley and I went to UCO's Wellness Center. During our super intense workout (power walking), we ran into one of her former sorority sisters. As she joined us on the track, a conversation began that made me think. This new friend began to share with me how she was getting a degree and she enjoyed her coursework, but had no idea what she was going to be when she "grows up." After college, she has no plan. "Wherever the Father leads me...I don't know what's next. I feel like anyone who goes to college with any other purpose than discipleship is only there for selfish reasons." A nice reminder than I'm not alone. Don't misunderstand - I am very aware that the rest of my life will be in ministry. I desire to live intentionally and missionally until I draw my very last breath. However, I don't know what follows or even precedes London. I don't even understand what G is shaping within me right now.

I read today about the woman who poured oil on Jesus' head and subsequently Jesus sending the disciples to prepare for the last supper. He sent them out in Mark 14:13 with instructions,

Go into the city, and a man will meet you carrying a pitcher of water; follow him. Wherever he goes in, say to the master of the house. 'The Teacher says, "Where is the guest room in which I may eat the Passover with My disciples?"' Then He will show you a large upper room, furnished and prepared; there make ready for us. So His disciples went out, and came into the city, and found it just as He had said to them; and they prepared the Passover."

The disciples were given clear instructions to do something that would have made them seem, in all other circumstances, a bit crazy! They obeyed. I wonder about the other people involved in this story. What about the man whom He told to prepare a room for the Son? What about the man carrying the pitcher? I wonder if they questioned, "Is this my voice or His?" I don't know. What I do know, and what scripture makes clear is - they obeyed.

The same is true of Moses. The Father gave him clear instructions and the promise of a sign.

"But moses said to God, "Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?" He said, "But I will be with you, and this shall be the sign for you, that I have sent you: when you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall serve God on this mountain." Exodus 3:11-12 ESV

A sign...in the aftermath. My friend, Lance Shumake of iGo Global blogged about this recently, and it really started me thinking. You can read it by clicking here! How incredible to imagine what all must have been running through Moses' mind! He didn't know the next step...how it would look or what would happen. He had no idea. But he knew Father, and he obeyed.

I don't know what the Father is doing in me right now. I don't fully comprehend the path He has me on. What I do know? He has ordered my steps for His glory and for my good (which ultimately...is His glory).

Therefore, I'll obey.